Looking Back On Memories And Looking Forward To What Awaits

After so long abandoning this space of mine, I can't find words to start writing again though actually, I have so much to write about. Pardon me if this post is nothing more than just a writing practice to get back on track again as I'm gonna just randomly write whatever I think at the moment.

As an annual activity, looking back to last year events would help me to plan to improve whatever life has to offer for the next year. With that, a lot has happened in the span of 12 months in the year 2020 especially with the new-normal life we're living with Covid-19 among us. I'm sure Covid-19 affected people differently and to me, it has affected my mental health.

I don't really know what triggered me but I had a mental breakdown with suicidal thoughts for about two weeks. It's really hard to describe the feeling I had at that time. Things happened, I was exhausted, lethargic and depressed, thus it hit me. I cried almost every night, searching for the purpose to keep living and I keep questioning of my existence. As days went by I slowly overcame it, I don't even know how I did it but I'm glad I did. It was an awful experience and it drained my energy. As I didn't actually do something about it, I know it can hit me again. But next time, I hope I could handle it better.

As we couldn't travel freely and I'm quite afraid to take the risk to travel anyway, I spent my time (of course, and money) to staycation instead. I found that staycation helped me to get things off my mind too. I think I've covered all the hotels in Ipoh and I would love to share a review on all the hotels. This would take some time as I'm still not in the mood.

I'm really really struggling to juggle between working, studying and hobby-ing. I found myself exhausted everyday till I fell into depression. It is so so hard to be disciplined and to manage my time efficiently. I plan to do a daily schedule I should follow so I would do my works consistently. This, however, is something I'm not confident with myself.

Stepping into 2021, here are the main resolutions I wish to achieve by the end of the year;

• Maintaining my CGPA at least at 3.5
• Write on this blog at least 2 posts per month
• Write on my journal
• Getting my ideal weight by the end of the year (45kg)

By the way, it's my birthday today (30th January). It's a coincidence that I decided to write again on this blog on my birthday but I would love to consider it as a special coincidence. As a grown-up, I never look forward to my birthday, I've been spent it like any normal day anyway. But just a simple birthday wish; being 28, I hope for better days ahead for me, achieving success at whatever I do. Please pray for me, I'll pray for you too.

Till then,

Lya.